I am trying to get over the fact that her hair is gone. That was a large hurdle to climb yesterday. The "straw that broke the camels back" so to speak. I talked calmly and rationally to the one of the burn doctors. They led me to believe they would only shave a small portion of her hair, Nothing was ever mentioned about her being bald. I broke down and told him all I have left to do for her right now is to paint her fingernails, her toenails and to fix her hair. Now you have taken that away from me as well. I told him to forgive me if I was mad for quite some time at them and not to expect me to be anything but sad. His reasoning was that her hair could cause infection if it got anywhere near the site. She told us we could pull it back in a pony tail. I am still really angry. The things I'm trying to thank God for is allowing her surgery to take place in the morning yesterday and that they could do both surgeries one after the other. I guess this is just another physical reminder that her arm got burnt unnecessarily. This was not supposed to happen.
Ava didn't do so well tolerating the pain yesterday and I had to keep pushing more medicines. I want her to rest really well for at least 2 days. She needs to feel no pain. Last night Brian said she did well and slept the entie night with the exception of waking to cough and be suctioned. Next the process will begin to try to take her off the ventilator but the only thing we are focusing on at this second is to get her through today. Tomorrow will start brand new. We are taking it slow because Ava runs the show not the docs!
I am really trying to be patient with God. I feel that He is here. I just don't understand all of this. Yesterday I felt I was going to lose all sense of reasoning. My brain just shut down. My Mom came up because she heard about them taking Ava's hair. I was so glad she came.
"Mom you always know just what to say to make thing better. I know that we think a like most of the time and it felt good to know that I wasn't alone in questioning what the Heck was God trying to do to Ava? I thank you for helping me see that we are all just human and we deal with things are own way. It IS okay to be mad and very angry. If not God wouldn't have gave us feelings. Anyway I wanted you to know Mom that I love you so much."
I love getting all your emails and messages. It really makes me feel as though you are all right here praying and asking God to heal our little princess.
I'm sorry I couldn't post pictures yesterday. My heart was just too broken.
Here is her beautiful locks. I know it will grow back. It just hurts us. We are not sure how we are going to tell Lexis and Emeline. In time we will feel better.
I just took this picture about a half and hour ago. She wiggles a little bit but we think she is comfortable.
Wow I just can't seem to be okay with her hair gone.
"My precious Ava, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this my dear child."
This is them bringing her back to her room after surgery. See how many people it takes for one little Princess?
This is the last picture I took of her beautiful precious hair.