Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dealing with it.

Ava is coping as well as possible. She was upset this morning that she had a bandage on and immediately tried to take it off. I assured her it had to stay on to heal her finger. She did get it off once and yikes did it look bad. I put it right back on and warned her to keep it on PLEASE! I kept on her pain meds all night alternating between Motrin and then her Tylenol with Codeine. It was pretty simple considering she has a g tube. (Sometimes buttons come in extremely handy. :) She would yell out but not wake up fully. Her heart rate was a bit high. I’m thankful I have a monitor to keep everything in check, especially in times like these.


Her sisters love to comfort her in all ways possible…..after all that is what God gave us sisters for!


A little kiss.


The hospital called today and told us that Radiology re-read her x rays and they confirmed that she had in fact fractured her finger. The sad news is there is still nothing more than can do. I will be taking her to an Orthopedic doctor on Monday. She is also on Antibiotics to help eliminate possible infection. No let’s not go there.

The medicine has made her very sleepy today and we both laid down for a well deserved nap this afternoon. As soon as it is almost medicine time she complains of pain. She is a trouper though in all sense of the word.

Wow did this accident with Ava stir things back up in my heart. I’m disappointed in myself for not being strong. I knew I was going to faint but pushed it out of my mind. I guess when I fell Ava was not hurt again but I feel guilty that I could have caused her more pain and for that I’m deeply sad. However I know that all things happen for a reason and I have 100% confidence that God was also holding Ava as I fell. I also know that I can’t be “Super Mom” all the time and I have to accept that I can’t handle it all. I’m so thankful that I have an awesome husband that took control. He was concerned about me but knew he had to get Ava to the hospital fast. AND it affirms the notion that God sends everything we need our way when we need it. My friend Heidi was here to calm me and guide us through our panic. So glad that everything worked out. Ava has been through so much but with her CDH complications I usually have time to ponder what we need to do and the steps to take. Last night there was no time and everything was in limbo. My mind just went nuts and rightfully so. You can’t stop what happens in life.

Last night when Emeline saw me after we got home from the ER, she ran up and gave me a huge hug. She said, “Mom I thought you were dead.” Lexis and her were pretty stirred up and were crying. I explained to her that my mind went on overload and I just couldn’t take it all in causing me to shut down. She was wondering who was going to watch her and Lexis if I died. I had to laugh that she thought so far ahead but hey that’s Emeline. I am so blessed!

I woke up this morning feeling sick about it all. It almost made me very afraid to even live. What is next? Can we handle more? Why must bad things happen? As I said I have faith and know it all works out. This is just another bump in the road called “Life”. Please keep us in your prayers. This accident seemed small compared to all that we’ve been through with Ava but it brought so much raw pain right back up to the surface. I’m still working through it all. I haven’t brought myself to cry quite yet but I feel it is coming any minute. I’m just happy she is feeling better and I can wrap my my arms around her. Right now she is laughing at the “Curious George” Movie when George runs in the bananas and apples and they go everywhere. Life sure has its twists and turns. The bad moments stick in our minds…I wish the good ones took priority. I know that if Jesus cares for the Sparrow He cares about me!



brad.kellie.babyc.lucy said...

I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. If it makes you feel any better, I'll share my embarrassing mommy story with you (that I haven't shared with anyone)...a few weeks ago, we were trying to get out the door to PT and Carter projectile puked all over me, himself and the kitchen. I put him on the counter, stripped him down to his diaper and picked him back up. I was on my way to his room, when OOPS! My foot slipped in his puke on the floor and I fell on the floor while holding him. I just sat there crying...from pain and from fear that I could have really hurt him. Luckily, he wasn't hurt at all and my arm and booty took the brunt of the fall. I was so upset with myself at the thought that I could have hurt him b/c I wasn't careful. But it was an accident.

You couldn't help falling any more than I could have and thankfully Ava is ok. I broke my finger when I was little and I have a "cool" story to share along with my crooked finger now. :) Just like Ava will.

Hang in there! You are such a great Mommy.

-Kellie (Carter's mom)

Bryan said...

Well, I cried for you. I completely understand although most of the time I'm still living in the constant stress of living with a chronically ill child. We haven't reached a plateau yet. God understands our fears and worries...lay them all at His feet. Praying life will go back to calm very soon.
Pam Winter

Sue mom to Emily LCDH 1-22-08 said...

Confession time:
In March of 2009 we took the kids downtown (Chicago) for a day of fun during Spring Break. Emily was 14mo, and my husband had lost his job in mid Feb so we couldn't afford a vacation and we weren't ready to do deal with traveling w/ all of Emily's meds and the feeding pump.
So we had just life the American Girl Store and were headed a block away to the Hershey's store for a treat. I was holding Emily, trying to shield her face from the wind since it made breathing difficult for her, when all of a sudden I tripped and I was going down. It happened SO FAST, but I was so afraid for Emily. How could she go through all the trauma of CDH and survive only to be hurt by her mother falling on the sidewalk? Mike said I put my arms out in front of me and gently laid her down on the ground. Not sure how I did that, but I did it before landing hard on my knee. The hood of Emily's coat ended up under her head, giving her a layer of protection. We were all freaked out and Emily was crying. Mike carried Emily, Kev & Meg walked and I hobbled over to the Hershey store where all sorts of people were staring at us. A lady who happened to be a trauma nurse came over to checkout Emily. I also called her pediatrician. They both decided she was ok and I declined the offer for an ambulance to a hospital a block away (I didn't even know it was there!). I felt so embarrassed, I just didn't want to draw anymore attention to us. It had been pretty scary, but after I cried and splashed some water on my face along with drinking hot chocolate we did continue with our day. I had a very sore knee/leg and a bruised ego but that didn't matter since Emily was OK.

I'm so glad Ava's finger will heal and that her injury wasn't more severe. She should have a free pass against ANY injury for a long time with all she's been through. I guess Ava can add this to her list of stories to tell her friends on the school playground one day!

Blossom inch said...

I have been following your blog for quite sometimes and I pray that your girl will always be healthy. May God bless you Ava.