Thursday, April 10, 2008

God hears our cries.

Have you ever wondered why things happen the way they do? I believe all things happen in life for a reason. It is definately hard going through hurts and painful tribulations. I have faith and am aware that it all helps you to become the person we were meant to be.

You know with Ava diagnosis of Congenital Diaphragmatic hernia I thought my world was falling apart. Before Ava I lived this life of peacefulness and mondane living. I thought death was living a full life and then passing in your sleep. Nothing prepared me for being told I would soon be having my daughter and expecting her to pass away gently to Heaven all while in my arms.

Even now when I look back on all that we have been through with Ava I still would do it again in a heart beat. How inspiring it was to see this tiny baby pulling and fighting with every ounce of her little being. The stress was almost unbearable. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have Brian. There were days I felt so helpless. I remember one in particular. I believe it was her second day of life. As I stood there near her bed my arms ached to hold her. I cried lots that day. With all of my soul I wanted to take her from all the tubes, wires and monitors, hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right. I knew this day was coming but it was hard to accept that I could do nothing for her it was all in the hands of the doctors and nurses.

I felt God's presence constantly around Ava. I knew in my heart she was being protected.

The hardest part was to pray, "Not my will, but your's Lord."

I guess what I am trying to say is that being so close to death changes how I live my life. I don't have the answer to why Ava is here with us. It breaks my heart every time I hear of another CDH baby that has gone to be with Jesus. I can't help but imagine the pain the parents feel.

I have found my calling in all this.... Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. Who else but me and Ava to spread Awareness and HOPE?


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